So you joined a new company, eager to prove yourself and show the team how amazing you are.

When your boss asks if you want to join a committee, you’re honored and say yes. In fact, you never say no to opportunities, tasks, or invitations.

When your colleague asks you to help spruce up the presentation he’s working on, you jump at the chance to strengthen your ties.

When a call for someone to chair the holiday party comes through the slack channel, you raise your hand Hermione Granger style.

You are an all-star, a team player, a people-pleaser.

You’re starting to feel a bit overloaded but you’re confident that it will all pay off. Until…

The project you’re working on comes under a crunch time and now you’re working late and staying at your desk through lunch to stay on top of it all. Then when you have your quarterly review you score a mere “satisfactory” and there is no mention of your extra projects.

You’re maxed out on tasks that you now see will have no benefit to your promotional path but feel stuck doing them anyway. People see you as the “go-to” person for extra assignments and you only say no when you’re so overwhelmed it comes out as hostile instead of strategic and confident.

If this sounds all too familiar, you may be wondering….

How can I break the pattern?

Flip the Script: How to Say No

( & set healthy boundaries at work)

Success Tips

Visualize

Imagine the situation, the people involved and how you want to feel during and after the conversation. Think about the motives and desires of the other parties – how can you make this a win-win for all involved? Try to anticipate objections and how you will address them.

Practice with a friend, supporter, or coach

Tap someone who will be honest in their reactions and give you constructive feedback to help you with your delivery. Be clear that you are looking for feedback, not advice at this stage. It’s unhelpful to go around in circles over “should” related ideas. Use this as an opportunity to practice asking for what you really want and need while setting boundaries.

Set intentions before you go into the conversation.

What’s your primary goal? What’s your backup plan? “I will be confident and calm. No matter what happens, I will learn more about myself and my colleague that will help in future interactions.”